Feeling lonely makes every other feeling worse. It makes sadness sadder and happiness not as happy. But feeling lonely in a relationship is an added burden.
When you feel alone, you are closed off. You don’t have the connection you once had or crave. Companionship is a human desire. And when you’re in a relationship, that closeness is part of the territory.
So, when you’re feeling lonely in a relationship, that lonely feels even worse than loneliness when you’re single. In fact, you can feel more lonely in a relationship than when you are single. This is because you crave that connection even more knowing that person is there but just not within your grasp.
# Are you letting yourself be vulnerable?
Are you open to connecting or are your fears of getting hurt closing you off? Whether you’ve been hurt in the past or by your partner, fear can prevent you from leaning into the relationship. That can leave you feeling lonely because you aren’t willing to take that risk.
# Does your partner shut down when they’re upset?
If your partner’s response to stress is to recede but yours is to talk it out, it can feel very isolating.
# Are you keeping a secret or avoiding certain conversations?
Avoiding something small like running into an ex or overspending on something can create a much bigger web of lies and leave you feeling separate from your partner.
# Do you communicate your feelings with your partner? Both the good and the bad?
# Are you trying to fix your partner?
Do you try to control them? If so, that lack of control can leave you feeling invalid because your connection isn’t authentic.
# Do you avoid arguments and disagreements?
Trying to keep things peachy and nice is not what makes you feel connected. If you swallow down your feelings and opinions, it only distances your relationship even further.
# Do you connect when the opportunities arise?
If something comes up where you can truly be there for each other, do you? Whether you have something to celebrate or mourn, do you take that time together?
# Are you both intentional with your interactions?
You should be able to feel at ease around your partner, but putting in the effort to care about how the other feels, it gives intention to your behavior. Without it, you essentially become roommates.
# Are you having fun more often than you’re opening up?
Keeping things fun and exciting is great for a relationship, but if you focus more on traveling and new activities than you do on your connection, that fun won’t prevent loneliness.
# Are you feeling happy?
Could you be struggling with depression, anxiety, or another mental illness? These things require the intervention of a professional but can help you get back on track.
# Do you connect physically but in no other ways? Or vice versa?
Only focusing on one aspect of your relationship can leave you feeling alone or rejected by others.
# Do you and your partner judge each other’s feelings and reactions?
Judging your partner because they don’t react to things the same as you, can close them off to sharing and vice versa. When you stop sharing your feelings, you lose the connection.