'Kwasi Kwarteng and Liz Truss destroyed a major Western economy in just three weeks'

Wasn’t it a marvellous idea, to choose who runs the country by asking a few thousand ­elderly people with huge lawns. And they voted for Liz Truss.

She said she would sort out our ­problems with energy bills in our homes and she has. Because soon we won’t have a home either, and if you’re living in a park the energy bills are free!

Some people unfairly claim that politicians are lazy and don’t do anything.

But the new Chancellor Kwasi Kwarteng has only been in his job three weeks, and already he’s laughed during the Queen’s funeral and destroyed a major Western economy.

The man can’t keep up that pace, he’ll be exhausted.

We often worry that not enough people are interested in politics. But this Prime Minister has changed that. Because now the whole country is asking the two most important political questions, which are: WHAT THE **** is GOING ON? And WHAT THE **** IS ******* GOING ON?

Truss and Kwarteng insist the collapse of the pound is nothing to do with their budget. So the fact that it happened the exact moment afterwards is coincidence.

What caused it was that investors were upset that Roger Federer had retired. Or it’s because the banks ­withdrew their investments in the pound to spend it on sweets.

Who knows what they’ll try next.

Maybe they’ll release 100 tigers into ­Sheffield city centre, then deny that this led in any way to all the people that were eaten by tigers. At one point they said the pound had collapsed because investors were ­frightened of a Labour government.

That must be it, in the same way that when an arsonist sets a building on fire, the people to blame are the fire brigade for causing a panic with their big red truck and all those ladders and hoses.

The mini-budget that sparked this crisis was one that, at a time when the Government claimed it had no money, took £45billion to give to the very richest people in the country, to “boost the economy”.

This is the party that boasts it’s “economically competent”.

It’s like a contestant on Bake Off saying: “I should win as I’m reliable with flour”, then opening the oven to do a wee in the baking dish to “give a boost to their profiteroles”.

Supporters of Truss have blamed the money markets for spoiling everything. You can understand why they’re annoyed because if there’s one group of people who have consistently complained about the free market over the years, it’s the Conservative Party.

So maybe they’re just having a laugh.

There will be another mini-budget in which they announce: “To free our economy, we will spend every penny in the country on pickled onions. We will then roll them down a hill in Scarborough and into the sea. The smell of vinegar will at last provide the incentive our great British businesses need to create growth and prosperity.”