Holding On Versus Letting Go

We all know or know of people who hang on to relationships, situations and even dreams, much longer than they should. While we stand outside their personal hopes, dreams, and expectations – we can be quick to judge and to shake our heads in disbelief. But it would be fair to say that all of us have one of these two problems, though in varying intensities: we are either those who let go too easily and refuse stay in there, or we hold on and become incapable of letting go.

Neither is a wise approach.

We are all often in situations which require a decision -- should we stay in this current job or look for a new one? Should we stay in this relationship or get out of it? Should we move on from something or someone or give it another chance?

Fear and doubt become part of our lives. Letting go can be painful; at times holding on can be painful too; and then letting go can be freeing, but at times it is holding on that can be freeing. So we find ourselves tied up in knots! We are told to reflect, but even our reflections are coloured by the outcomes we hope for.

Letting go too soon can bring on a whole bunch of regrets later. But on closer examination, it would appear that hanging on too long is more destructive and much more hazardous than letting go too soon. It keeps us stuck in a bad situation where there is too much anguish, too little joy, and it drains us emotionally and mentally. In other words, hanging on too long often makes things worse.

It may be that you don’t want to give up on someone you care about, you believe you can support them, make a positive difference in their life; but sometimes you need to let go and let them learn their own lessons. You don’t want to leave a partner who hurts or betrays you time and again; he promises to change, but carries on as before. You don’t want to abandon a dream, specially when you’ve worked long and hard on it; but sometimes you need to let go – maybe in order to open yourself up to something even better.

In the very popular book Tuesdays with Morrie’ by Mitch Albom, Morrie, Mitch’s old teacher, advises: “Don’t let go too soon, but don’t hang on too long.” How on earth do you figure out the right timing in all of this?

Yet life does throw in signs you should pay attention to. These include your being expected to sacrifice your personal values or change into someone you’re really not. Or you can’t recall the last time this made you happy. Or the situation or person always makes you feel broken, depressed and frustrated. Or your trust is continuously broken; your capability or worth is always questioned; you are constantly making excuses for the other side.

There is no simple answer nor guarantees. But, a step in figuring out whether you should hold on or let go, could be to start with asking yourself this: If you cleared away your fears and self-judgments, and what others might think or say, what choice would you make?

It is hard and can be painful. But when you can acknowledge that you are worth so much more, you can call up inner reserves of courage, resilience and self-worth – and you seek the outside support you need – you are on your way to a better life.