Nobody is the giver of misery

Every living creature wants to be happy. Whether it is money, power, or sex, you get into it for the sake of happiness. Some people even enjoy misery because it gives them happiness. So how can one get happy?

If we just think about ourselves, our life shrinks, but when we think for the whole society, there is joy. The reward of service is instant joy.

By sharing and spreading happiness it grows, when you hold on to it and don’t share, it dwindles. The Art of Living is the education in expanding one’s happiness, expanding to include the whole world as our family.

As a Sanskrit proverb says, real worship is to create happiness in others.

We look for things in order to be joyful. We think when we grow and go to college, we will be independent and happy; or we think when we get the job or perfect life partner, we are going to be happy; or when children grow up we will be happy. But ask those who are retired, are they happy? They miss their younger years and yearn for those times. All of one’s life is spent in preparing to be happy someday in the future. It’s like making a bed all night but having no time to sleep. How long have we been happy from within? Those are the only moments you have really lived life.

There are two ways of looking at life. One is thinking: ‘I’ll be happy after getting what I want’. The second is saying that ‘I am happy come what may!’ Which one do you want to live?

Life is 80 per cent joy and 20 per cent misery. But we hold on to the 20 per cent and make it 200 per cent. It is not a conscious act, it just happens. There are three types of miseries that keep us from being totally happy and blissful: Parinama dukha, Tapa dukha and Sanskar dukha.

Parinama dukha is the misery that comes from identifying with the memory of the pleasures and glories you have had in the past. For example, you held a position once, and then it was gone. You may experience some pain after getting out of the position. You were able to play good cricket or work the gym some years back, which you cannot do anymore and that memory makes you miserable in the present. It is so subtle. You don’t realise, but it affects your behaviour.

Second is, tapa dukha — you are being miserable, burning with anger, hate or jealousy due to a current situation.

Sanskar dukha is when the misery is gone but the seed or impression of that memory still lingers, making you miserable. You got into the habit of complaining, being miserable and even though there is a nothing to complain about; you have made it a habit to be upset and cry. This is sanskar dukha. You started finding a little joy in being sad. When it is an impression of a memory that you are holding on to, nobody can relieve you of it except yourself.

An intelligent person looks at this and realises that pleasant or unpleasant events, all those impressions when they stick to your consciousness, cause misery. If you are hanging on to your money, fame, and relationship, they can all cause you misery. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have them, but you should know this nature of misery. For example, being a manager is a role you play. But when you identify with it, that brings misery to you, because that role you identified with, may disappear any time.

Even identification with your goodness can cause misery. When you think you are very good and others are not, this is the formula for anger and hate to come up. People who indulge in self-pity are preparing to hate others. The purpose of yog and spirituality is to stop misery before it arrives. Your own identifications are the cause of your misery. There is a beautiful proverb in Sanskrit: ‘Kashtasya sukhasya nakopi data’ — there is no giver of happiness or misery. It is your own making.

Living in the moment with joy, alertness, awareness and compassion is enlightenment. Being like a child is enlightenment. It is being free from within, feeling at home with everybody, without barriers.

Today is International Day of Happiness