Question: Hi! I am in a big dilemma where I am forced to choose between my parents and my boyfriend. My parents have threatened that they would disown me if I marry my boyfriend against their wishes. My mother is very ill and I do not want to hurt her. I agree that I had made a mistake by keeping my love life a secret from them. So, when they came to know about our affair, they were shocked. But I was helpless because my parents have always maintained a gap due to which talking about love or anything related to it was impossible. Also, my boyfriend said that he would not be able to live without me and I share the same feeling. Please tell me how should I convince my adamant parents? —By Anonymous
Response by Dr. Rachna Khanna Singh: Hello! Thank you for writing to us. From what you have shared, I can understand how helpless you must be feeling. It is not an easy choice to make and therefore, a middle-ground has to be found.
Firstly, I advise you to give them some time to digest the sudden shock that they have experienced. It can be understood how hurt they must've felt, which you do have a realization of.
After a while, when things have simmered down a little, it is suggested that you sit down with your parents and have a conversation about it. I know it can be very difficult to do that in the given circumstances, but explain how important it is for you.
Start by apologizing and explaining to them that you did not have any intention to hurt them. You are simply sharing a very important part of your life as you do not want to start a new phase without their blessing.
Next, give them concrete information about the guy like his name, his occupation, etc, and tell them what increased your feelings for him. Explaining to them your side of the story will help them in gaining a bit more clarity about the guy. It will also help them understand that your relationship is not just a casual thing, but you want it for the long-term.
Finally, tell them that they can meet the guy and then decide if it has to be taken further or not. I would also like to suggest that you keep your expectations to the minimal.
Be as calm and positive as you can be while having a conversation with your parents because being angry or emotional will not help.
I hope this helps. If you still wish to discuss things further, please feel free to book an appointment with us.
Dr. Rachna Khanna Singh is HOD of Holistic Medicine & Psychology in Artemis Hospital, Gurgaon
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