Query: My wife is a social butterfly and tries to stay in touch with all my friends. I don't like it a bit because they discuss private jokes all in front of me whenever we meet and I feel lost and embarrassed. How should I tell her she needs to stay away from my friends , without making it sound like a big deal?
Response by Dr Ishita Mukerji: Hi, thank you for your valuable query.
You need to understand that extrovertedness can be embedded in someone's nature. Maybe it's your wife's way of being connected to you by being acquainted with your circle. But it's fair from your side to believe that certain boundaries are necessary. The only solution to this, is to have that conversation everyone dreads! Tell her that it bothers you and make her understand why. Your tone when you talk to her, should be as subtle and clear as possible because maybe she doesn't understand that it's bothering you, even if it's not anyone's fault. Make her realise that she shouldn't have to cut off contact, just be a little more conscious about the kind of conversations she has with your circle whenever it concerns you. Ask her to put herself in your situation, if the conversation doesn't go as you desired.
Always remember this quote by Dorothy Nevil ~ " the real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment"
Dr. Ishita Mukerji is an Internationally Renowned Psychologist.
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