My mother-in-law is too possessive about my husband!

Query: My mother-in-law is extremely possessive about my husband. Our marriage was peaceful and happy until his mother moved in with us last year during the pandemic. She took over our kitchen and started making my husband's meals. She knew I followed a diet, so she cooked for herself and my husband, keeping me out of their mealtimes.

Every time I and my husband had an argument over something, she would also make him sleep with her. Somewhere down the months, we both stopped talking and my husband still nudges me that I should try harder. I can't deal with this woman anymore and it will break my marriage. Please help

Response by Dr Rachna K Singh: Hi, thank you for writing to us.

From what you have shared, I can understand that you are getting increasingly frustrated and exhausted, which is a very valid reaction to the situation you have described. It is very common that when any third person, be it a parent, starts living with two people in a marriage, the partners' space and equation get troublesome. In short, it is chaos in paradise.

I can understand how that is creating issues between you and your husband as you are not getting one-on-one time with your husband which is especially crucial for any relationship.

But one thing that needs to be given some importance too is that it seems as if your mother-in-law is wanting to spend some time with "her son" and not "Your husband". Furthermore, this can be a possibility that maybe even she is having a hard time adjusting to the new environment which is why she is taking those extreme measures and wants to be with someone or something that is familiar to her, like her son.

In such a situation, communication can work wonders. It is advised for you to have a clear and calm conversation alone with your mother-in-law about how and what behaviour of her's is affecting you. It needs to be told that her actions are causing a distance between you and your husband, which you are not okay with.

Also, an honest calm conversation needs to happen between you and your husband to inform him how all of this is affecting you and your relationship and that he also needs to understand it. He, too, needs to have certain boundaries.

Lastly, I would request you to try and change your perspective a little here and understand that there is a possibility that no one is meaning anyone's harm here. And it is a great possibility that maybe everyone in the home is going through their own struggles which can be understood and taken care of with open and honest communication.

I hope this helps. And if you still wish to discuss things further, please feel free to book an appointment with us.

Dr. Rachna Khanna Singh is the HOD - Holistic Medicine, Artemis Hospital, Gurgaon. A Relationship, Lifestyle & Stress Management Expert and the Director - The Mind & Wellness Clinic, New Delhi.

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