We all hate queueing - but this mental health row shows The Queue always wins

Everybody loathes queues. It's one of our universally shared human characteristics. It doesn't matter what form the queue takes - sitting in an endless line of stationary traffic; standing in a coiling, snaking, shuffling line at passport control; arriving at the Saturday supermarket checkout to find every single till heavily backed up with fellow shoppers gripping their overflowing trollies.

We always hate everyone in front of us.

A little part of us seems to die as we stand or sit there, trapped, foiled, frustrated, and somehow humiliated and demeaned. There's nothing positive about the experience of queuing. No small incidental comfort to be squeezed out of it. It's the very definition of a necessary evil.

So no wonder schemes to legitimately skip queues are hugely popular. That's why they never last long: they end up cancelling themselves out because everyone wants to join.

Take EasyJet's "Speedy Boarding" lane at airports. Almost everybody now forks out for a priority pass, thus automatically making them virtually pointless.

The Queue always wins.

Disney theme parks dropped their FastPass system years ago because it had stopped working. They replaced it with Lightning Lane, which also allows guests to skip standby lines at popular rides - for a fee.

I wonder how long that'll last before it goes the same way as EasyJet's priority boarding?

All this is up for debate because of this week's decision by Alton Towers and Thorpe Park to change their Ride Access Park scheme. Ride Access is for people with physical disabilities AND autism, ADHD, anxiety and "difficulty with crowds". They all get to avoid the main queues.

There's been a surge in those claiming to have "neurodiverse" issues applying for fast passes, so much so that the "quick" queues are now pretty much as long as the regular ones.

So just in time for half-term, the parks have said only people with physical issues can now get free Ride Access. Cue outrage from mental health pressure groups. They should all save their breath, because it doesn't matter a jot what theme parks, airlines, supermarkets or traffic managers do. The Queue always wins.