Understanding Rising Divorce Rates in India: The Importance of Pre-Marriage Counseling

India is witnessing a significant rise in divorce rates—more than ever before. But if you dig into the reasons behind this trend, a prominent one stands out: couples today are no longer willing to suffer in silence. Especially women, who are now financially independent, self-reliant, and confident enough to walk away from toxic marriages.

Instead of tolerating emotional neglect, inequality, or incompatibility, they are choosing their well-being—and that marks a cultural shift.

The Wedding is Grand—But Are We Ready for the Marriage?

In India, weddings are a grand affair. We spend months planning every detail—from the perfect lehenga to the dinner menu, the venue, the guest list, and even the honeymoon. Yet, amid all this elaborate planning, one critical question is rarely asked: Are we emotionally and mentally prepared for the commitment of marriage?

Modern couples—both men and women—no longer want to be pushed into mismatched alliances or accept marital unhappiness as their destiny. This change calls for something India urgently needs to embrace: pre-marriage counselling.

Love Alone Isn’t Enough

While love remains the foundation, it is not the whole structure.

“Love gives you emotional strength,” says Shallu Chawla, Delhi-based matchmaker and founder of Make My Lagan. “But what sustains a marriage is emotional maturity, mutual respect, communication, and the willingness to grow together.”

Dr. Rajendra More, former Army Medical Corps officer and counsellor at Oasis Counsellors, echoes this. “Only love cannot hold a marriage together. You also need trust, respect, a helping nature, and the ability to stand by each other.”

So why aren’t we preparing couples for this reality before they say ‘I do’?

The Indian Marriage Model: A Union of Families

Marriage in India isn’t just between two people—it’s a complex arrangement that merges two families, value systems, and often, completely different lifestyles. That’s what makes pre-marital counselling especially crucial in the Indian context.

“As counsellors, we help couples look beyond the fairy-tale version of marriage,” says Chawla. “Social media and films create unrealistic expectations. But real life brings issues like finances, cultural adjustments, and compatibility challenges.”

When Expectations Don’t Match Reality

A common reason many marriages falter is unspoken or misaligned expectations:

• Who handles the finances?
  
  
• What does intimacy mean to each partner?
  
  
• Who takes on kitchen duties?

Will we live with the family or separately?

These are real, everyday matters—not romantic ideas. While live-in relationships could address some of these concerns, they’re often frowned upon in Indian society. That leaves pre-marriage counselling as the best possible solution.

“People often come in with unrealistic or even bizarre expectations,” says Dr. More. “Counselling helps break these down logically and gives couples clarity.”

“Everyone brings their own version of what marriage should look like,” adds Chawla. “Counselling helps partners identify where their versions align—and where they clash.”

Dr. More also points out India’s diverse cultural fabric as a factor: “Inter-religious, inter-regional, and inter-cultural marriages are common, but they come with unique challenges. Counselling provides a space to safely explore and address these differences.”

The Questions That Actually Matter

Before tying the knot, couples need to ask questions that go far beyond décor or dress choices.

Dr. More suggests asking:

• Is this just physical attraction, or genuine, sustainable love?
  
  
• Can I accept this person’s flaws along with their strengths?
  
  
• Have I emotionally and logically chosen this person for life?

Have we discussed crucial practicalities—family, finances, and red flags?

Chawla’s top questions include:

• What are your long-term personal and professional goals?
  
  
• How do we resolve conflict or handle emotional disagreements?
  
  
• What are your expectations from daily life, family roles, and financial responsibilities?

When Should Counselling Happen—Before or After Marriage?

“ Before marriage. Always,” says Dr. More firmly. “It’s better to address doubts and explore compatibility before signing any papers. That way, couples walk into marriage informed and prepared.”

Post-marriage counselling can still be beneficial—especially during crises—but pre-marriage counselling is like a crash course in relationship readiness. It helps partners begin their journey on stable ground, rather than scrambling to fix things after they’ve broken.

As more Indian couples demand emotional and psychological compatibility over social conformity, pre-marital counselling can be the essential toolkit for building strong, respectful, and lasting relationships. Because it’s not just about the wedding—it’s about what comes after.