From turning first dates into interviews to using ChatGPT for replies and tracking matches in spreadsheets: How AI companies are changing San Francisco's dating scene
San Francisco’s artificial intelligence (AI) boom is changing how some residents date. AI company founders and engineers working long hours are bringing their professional habits into their personal lives, screening potential partners against detailed criteria and approaching first meetings like interviews. According to a New York Times report, some also use ChatGPT to review messages and analyse their dating history, while others link dating-app data to spreadsheets to track matches.
The report describes a dating scene shaped by limited free time and pressure to find a suitable partner quickly. A coach charging tech founders $5,000 a month frames dating in business metrics, while some workers struggle to fit meetings into demanding schedules. For those seeking relationships, the habits used to build a company can make getting to know someone feel like another work task.
When first dates become interviews
Mehul Agarwal, the 24-year-old co-founder of AI filmmaking startup Koyal , described one date that took two months to schedule. Both worked at AI startups and arrived exhausted. Their familiarity with professional small talk made the evening feel like a networking meeting.
Agarwal wants to find a wife before becoming wealthy, so he will not have to question whether a partner is attracted to his success. But work and travel have limited his opportunities to build a relationship.
Other daters described being assessed against a checklist. Amanda Chung, 25, who works at AI startup Nectar Social, said one founder could meet only after 10 p.m. Another asked about her job and work style.
Sina Hartung , a co-founder of Eureka Health, asked how much some people expect to establish right away.
“You don’t need to understand if they have cancer in their family; you don’t need to understand on the first date if they really want three children,” she told NYT.
ChatGPT replies and spreadsheets for matches
Joyce Zhang, a former Stripe product manager who now coaches tech founders on dating, said some clients treat finding a partner as a problem money and optimisation can solve.
She uses familiar business language, discussing their “top of funnel”, meaning the pool of potential partners, and the proportion of connections that become dates.
Some clients link dating-app information to spreadsheets. Others focus on understanding the apps’ algorithms or run replies through ChatGPT. Some give the chatbot their entire dating history and ask it to identify patterns. Zhang said her coaching encourages clients to trust their intuition rather than rely entirely on analysis.
Singles are trying alternatives to dating apps
Some residents are organising events that give people another way to meet. At Kilowatt, a bar in San Francisco’s Mission neighbourhood, participants at a “Date My Ex” event used short slide presentations to introduce potential partners to the audience.
The event is part of a “Date My Friend” series organised by Annalise Wulf and two friends as an alternative to apps and a response to demanding dating criteria.
Wulf said long startup hours leave little room for connections that develop gradually. Many AI startup workers follow a “996” schedule: 9 am to 9 pm, six days a week.
San Francisco’s artificial intelligence (AI) boom is changing how some residents date. AI company founders and engineers working long hours are bringing their professional habits into their personal lives, screening potential partners against detailed criteria and approaching first meetings like interviews. According to a New York Times report, some also use ChatGPT to review messages and analyse their dating history, while others link dating-app data to spreadsheets to track matches.
The report describes a dating scene shaped by limited free time and pressure to find a suitable partner quickly. A coach charging tech founders $5,000 a month frames dating in business metrics, while some workers struggle to fit meetings into demanding schedules. For those seeking relationships, the habits used to build a company can make getting to know someone feel like another work task.
When first dates become interviews
Mehul Agarwal, the 24-year-old co-founder of AI filmmaking startup Koyal , described one date that took two months to schedule. Both worked at AI startups and arrived exhausted. Their familiarity with professional small talk made the evening feel like a networking meeting.
Agarwal wants to find a wife before becoming wealthy, so he will not have to question whether a partner is attracted to his success. But work and travel have limited his opportunities to build a relationship.
Other daters described being assessed against a checklist. Amanda Chung, 25, who works at AI startup Nectar Social, said one founder could meet only after 10 p.m. Another asked about her job and work style.
Sina Hartung , a co-founder of Eureka Health, asked how much some people expect to establish right away.
“You don’t need to understand if they have cancer in their family; you don’t need to understand on the first date if they really want three children,” she told NYT.
ChatGPT replies and spreadsheets for matches
Joyce Zhang, a former Stripe product manager who now coaches tech founders on dating, said some clients treat finding a partner as a problem money and optimisation can solve.
She uses familiar business language, discussing their “top of funnel”, meaning the pool of potential partners, and the proportion of connections that become dates.
Some clients link dating-app information to spreadsheets. Others focus on understanding the apps’ algorithms or run replies through ChatGPT. Some give the chatbot their entire dating history and ask it to identify patterns. Zhang said her coaching encourages clients to trust their intuition rather than rely entirely on analysis.
Singles are trying alternatives to dating apps
Some residents are organising events that give people another way to meet. At Kilowatt, a bar in San Francisco’s Mission neighbourhood, participants at a “Date My Ex” event used short slide presentations to introduce potential partners to the audience.
The event is part of a “Date My Friend” series organised by Annalise Wulf and two friends as an alternative to apps and a response to demanding dating criteria.
Wulf said long startup hours leave little room for connections that develop gradually. Many AI startup workers follow a “996” schedule: 9 am to 9 pm, six days a week.
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