Parenting: How Are Japanese Children So Calm and Well-Behaved? Discover Their 10 Parenting Mantras...
Japanese Parenting Methods: The entire focus of Japanese upbringing lies on unconditional love, community bonding, and living in harmony with nature. Renowned author Lisa Katayama—who raised both of her children in this very Japanese style after moving from Tokyo to the United States—explains that this approach not only instills good values and respect for others in children but also fosters their creativity. Now, in her new book, *The Japanese Way of Parenting*, Lisa has shared with the world those very special Japanese secrets and principles for raising children. So, let’s explore these parenting secrets—practices that, when adopted, help children become well-mannered, obedient, and calm from a very young age.
1. Instill the Habit of Greeting (Namaste/Ohayo)
In Japan, even young children are greeted with great respect using the phrase "Ohayo Gozaimasu" (Good Morning). When children observe adults treating one another with respect, they naturally learn the value of politeness themselves. You, too, should make a point of warmly greeting others in your children's presence.
2. Teach Them to Clean Up After Themselves
Parents often tidy up the messes their children have made, but this is not the practice in Japan. There, children are taught that they are responsible for their own environment. To make this process enjoyable, you can play a song while cleaning or provide them with actual cleaning tools (provided they are safe for children).
3. The Belief That "Everything Has a Soul."
Japanese people believe that even inanimate objects possess a soul. Teach your children to keep their books neatly organized and to treat their clothes with respect. When children learn to value and appreciate material objects, they subsequently develop a heightened sensitivity toward other human beings and the natural world.
4. Respecting the Feelings of Others
In Japanese schools, children are taught to recognize and understand the impact their actions have on other people. Even at home, after an argument, ask your child: “How do you think the other person must have felt?” This question fosters empathy in them.
5. The Power of ‘Douzo.’
‘Douzo’ means “Here you are” or “Please take this.” Japanese children are taught to offer their favorite things to others. When children share their cherished possessions, they experience the joy of selflessness.
6. Distinguishing Between Indoor and Outdoor Footwear
In Japan, removing one’s shoes before entering a home is a significant custom. This not only maintains hygiene but also creates a mental ‘transition’ for the child—signaling that they have stepped away from the hustle and bustle of the outside world and entered the tranquility of their home.
7. One Task at a Time (Mindfulness)
Parents and children today often live in a constant rush. Japanese culture emphasizes ‘slowing down’ and ‘performing tasks with full attention.’ Whether it involves making tea or preparing a meal, if a child learns to focus on a single task, their concentration improves.
8. Express Gratitude for Food
Before beginning a meal, Japanese children say ‘Itadakimasu,’ a phrase that expresses gratitude to everyone who played a role in bringing the food to their plate. Observing a moment of silence or offering a word of thanks before eating instills a sense of gratitude in children.
9. ‘Enryo’ – The Practice of Restraint
In Japan, leaving the very last piece of food on a plate is considered a sign of respect. This practice is known as ‘Enryo.’ It teaches children that their own desires do not take precedence over the comfort and convenience of others. It is an excellent method for teaching them self-control.
10. The Pursuit of Peace
In Japanese culture, ‘peace’ is a fundamental value. Provide children with an environment where they can express themselves calmly rather than resorting to shouting. This atmosphere of peace helps build their mental resilience. Although there is no single ‘perfect’ way to raise children, Japanese virtues such as respect, appreciation for society, and gratitude can enhance their future.
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