Why Are Women Told to Be 'Expert Mothers' but Men Aren't Asked to Be 'Expert Fathers'?
At the Chhatrapati Shahu Ji Maharaj University (CSJMU) graduation ceremony in Kanpur, something incredible happened: female students absolutely dominated the stage, winning a staggering 82% of all the medals awarded. It was a powerful, undeniable showcase of young women's academic brilliance, hard work, and ambition.
Yet, instead of the focus remaining on their achievements, the conversation took a sharp turn. Addressing the crowd, Uttar Pradesh Governor Anandiben Patel offered the young graduates some advice that quickly went viral:
"Whether you become an IAS (Indian Administrative Service) officer or a teacher, first become an expert mother. Everyone should know how to cook the food prepared at home."
While Patel also encouraged women to continue their education after marriage, this emphasis on becoming an "expert mother" before pursuing high-level careers struck a nerve. The comments have ignited a fierce debate about gender roles, career ambitions, and the heavy, often unfair burdens placed on women.
Many women, psychologists, and educators have pointed out that the very idea of an "expert mother" is an impossible standard.
Unlike passing an exam, earning a degree, or climbing the corporate ladder, there is no syllabus for parenting. Every child is unique, and every family dynamic is different. Setting "perfection" as the baseline for motherhood does little more than fuel chronic guilt and anxiety for working mothers who are already stretched thin.
Furthermore, framing cooking and childcare as exclusively female duties ignores the reality of modern households. Younger generations are increasingly advocating for a 50-50 partnership, where domestic chores and parenting are shared responsibilities rather than a test of a woman's worth.
When we tell brilliant young women who have just swept 82% of a university's gold medals that their professional goals are secondary to their domestic duties, we risk dampening their ambition.
True progress will come when we stop treating fatherhood as optional and motherhood as a prerequisite. Until we start encouraging young men to be "expert partners" and "expert fathers" with the same urgency we demand of women, true equality will remain out of reach.
Yet, instead of the focus remaining on their achievements, the conversation took a sharp turn. Addressing the crowd, Uttar Pradesh Governor Anandiben Patel offered the young graduates some advice that quickly went viral:
"Whether you become an IAS (Indian Administrative Service) officer or a teacher, first become an expert mother. Everyone should know how to cook the food prepared at home."
While Patel also encouraged women to continue their education after marriage, this emphasis on becoming an "expert mother" before pursuing high-level careers struck a nerve. The comments have ignited a fierce debate about gender roles, career ambitions, and the heavy, often unfair burdens placed on women.
The Invisible Prerequisite: Why Men Get a Pass
The core of the backlash doesn't stem from a dislike of good parenting. Rather, it highlights a deep-seated societal double standard.You may also like
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- The Missing Lecture: No public figure stands at a graduation podium advising young men to become "expert fathers" or to master cooking before they chase dreams of becoming civil servants, doctors, or CEOs.
- The "Second Shift": Society routinely treats a man’s career as his primary, non-negotiable duty. Fatherhood is viewed as a role he can manage on the side, often celebrated for doing the bare minimum. A woman’s career, however, is frequently treated as a secondary pursuit, something she is only "allowed" to do if she first proves she can run a flawless household.
The Myth of the "Perfect" Parent
Many women, psychologists, and educators have pointed out that the very idea of an "expert mother" is an impossible standard. Unlike passing an exam, earning a degree, or climbing the corporate ladder, there is no syllabus for parenting. Every child is unique, and every family dynamic is different. Setting "perfection" as the baseline for motherhood does little more than fuel chronic guilt and anxiety for working mothers who are already stretched thin.
Furthermore, framing cooking and childcare as exclusively female duties ignores the reality of modern households. Younger generations are increasingly advocating for a 50-50 partnership, where domestic chores and parenting are shared responsibilities rather than a test of a woman's worth.
Redefining Success on Equal Terms
Raising the next generation is undoubtedly one of the most important jobs in any society. But it is a collective responsibility, not a solo act.When we tell brilliant young women who have just swept 82% of a university's gold medals that their professional goals are secondary to their domestic duties, we risk dampening their ambition.
True progress will come when we stop treating fatherhood as optional and motherhood as a prerequisite. Until we start encouraging young men to be "expert partners" and "expert fathers" with the same urgency we demand of women, true equality will remain out of reach.
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